When Life Takes A Turn

I have always wondered why good things happen to bad people, but ove the past year I have realized that it is only due to good people being hurt easily.

For instance, bad people dont really care about others so they are not effected by things that would usually get a person down, good people on the other hand find the smallest disappointments from people upsetting and tend to drown their lives in this pain. So called "bad people" go to all means in order to get what they "want" from the other person no matter the consequences, which always results in them hurting others and getting away with their cunningness.

So what can be done about it? Nothing really apart from becoming a hard hearted person and caring less about those around you, but that would not make one a good person so to say. The fact is, and we all know this, that we as humans are prone to pain caused by others, it is not something that can be avoided completely but rather taken with a pinch of salt.

From what I have experienced, the best thing to do as a kind person is to favor towards those who keep your heart well, to maintain a positive perspective on those who hurt you, keeping in mind that those who cause pain dont know and refuse to know any better.

If good people see that they are actually receiving the best out of life (as they are in a matter of fact) in learning how to treat others better and gaining knowledge as well as valuable experiences, then all that is good will be generated by the universe and aimed towards them. In time, no matter how much pain a good person may go through, no matter what walk of life he or she may have come from, all the desired experiences in life will be rewarded to them.

I know this due to all of my personal experiences and life paths that it is not a matter of good or bad, it is a matter of perspective and positivity towards ones life. So lets not get down by those nasty people, thank the universe for giving us a big heart and focus our energy towards making our individual lives better, that way we can help those who are just as kind.

Thoughts on a full moon's night...

Sitting outside on the veranda, the moon shines so bright that my shadow can be seen. I wonder, what will the future bring?

Cant help but ponder on how life can be so beautiful but yet it always seems to come in patterns. If one day gives sadness, the other two days will be bliss. Its too predictable, I need change, I need to fly again, I need to travel and feel new things.

I don't know why I cannot settle myself in one place, everything becomes repetitive. I get bored if things are the same, it makes me unhappy and I tend to drive myself into a state of mind that I tend to question unnecessary things, then all comes to a halt and time stands still. All things must come to an end, but the end for me must be as often as possible, so that I can start anew.

How can someone spent so much time thinking about what they need to accomplish and not know where to start? I follow life the way it wants me to, I flow like a boat without a sail in the vast ocean not ever wanting to look at the compass. I'm not in control, I just flow.. but maybe, just maybe, this is the way... they way my life is destined...

So much time spent creating art from my soul, so many years of work but yet only art to show for it... isn't that why I express myself in the first place? That I choose to create? So that I will free what is within me so I can move on with the next experience life chooses to pass me?

Sometimes I wonder if all of this is in vain, I want most of all to never be forgotten, that my art will live on for as long as the earth spins on its axis. But really, will that ever happen? Or will I becomes dust, another body that once lived, being forgotten and not as someone who once gave everything to show what was inside her? Will I have a face in 100 years? 1000 years?

Most don't care, they live their lives knowing that they will one day move on to the next life and it would be as if they were never born in the first place... I envy that as it is just something I cannot accept in life... call me strange if you must, I'm just here to share art, speak me voice and to live on forever... nothing more, nothing less...

Tarachin © 2009

She lays down her head...

She lays down her head
Just to be still once again
She lays down her light
So to be in silent pain

She looks at her reflection
Lost inside the person she sees
She dulls the noise in mind
Hoping to to set herself free

She dives into her dreams
Setting aside whats right
Opening the side to her
That she knows will fight

She will do what is needed
She will lay down the law
But who will stand beside her?
When she says to herself "No more"

Trusted there are none
No one can see the truth
Whats the use in fighting?
Will she win, will she lose?

She gave her all to all
Losing what soul she had
Betrayed and cast aside
Lonely, lost, dying, sad

She lays down her head
Not willing to awake
She sees all that is
She fades away, wake...

Tarachin © 2009

Im sorry I neglected you...

I know, I have been neglecting my poor blog, bad bad me. Been crazy busy with making costumes, finally got them finished a couple of weeks back, have been catching up on 3 weeks worth of mails.. I have to tell myself to never do that again if I can help it.. boy can it be hard replying tons of mails at once... sigh...

Anyways, great news at last, I am to be an Auntie!!! Wooohooo... I'm more then overjoyed, cant believe that another interesting and beautiful soul will be joining out lovely family, I'm so sure its a boy, I can just feel it and I know he will be just as artistic as mum and Nicky... there is nothing like mixed children, Chinese+Spanish+Indian ...he is going to be sooo cute, and not to mention talented!!!

Its going to be an unfamiliar feeling though, having had only five of us practically our whole lives, and then comes another one to make us 6... wow, its going to be soo exiting!

Mum is overjoyed and has finally stopped bugging me for a grandchild, thanks Nick...ahahahhaha, she saved me the constant nagging of "where is my grandchild? I'm bored! I need a baby in my life! I'm getting old!" Poor mum, she only means well and I keep on telling her I'll give her a good 3 grandbabies, but not now... and each time I call her up and say.. "Guess what mum?".. She ALWAYS replies, "your pregnant?!!!"... Lol... man she cracks me up.. I love that woman more then I love life. Cant wait to see the look on her face when the lil one is born, I’m going to bet RM1000 that mum cries tears of joy!

So poor nick is stressing, we made a promise when we were kids that we will be next to each other for our children’s births, I so hope I can get Ed to take leave for a month, I have to be there no matter what, I want to be able to spend the first few months bonding with my lil nephew, changing diapers... lol... at least then nick can rest well and not worry...

That reminds me, I have to go to Babies R' Us to get some cool baby gadgets that cant be found in Malaysia. I love the bottles they have here and also the feeding spoon where you can insets food into it.. its so cool.. got to get some booties too...

November is so close, gotta get me ticket soon, cant wait to go home and eat Laksa.. and Ikan Bakar and Curry Mee and Koey Teow and I could go on and on..lol...

Definitely have to take time out to go to Pulau Tioman this time, have to take my Baby Ira away from her hectic life.. God I miss that girl soo damn much... *sigh*

Have to also make work trips to Thailand, Singapore, Indonesia, Philippines and maybe if I have time I'll go to Japan and China, 5 months is not long enough... got to take Anitha with me, bless her heart...

Am going to be finally posting work images and updates on shoots here soon, got to update the work part of life... will be back!

Tarachin © 2009

Ooooh Chilli Choc... yuuuummm!

I know it sounds weird but chilli choc is far from it! Most body conscious ladies would say... well.. its too fattening, its bad for you, bla bla... so here I am proving the diet fanatics wrong about chocolate...

First of all, if you are from Asia you will know that chilli is an aphrodisiac and ooh tastes soo good. It has been proven to prevent colds, clean the colon and even prevent diseases and cancers... no wonder Asian people live to a good ol’ age...

And chocolate, the more pure the bar, can prevent liver cancer and also helps clean the blood of toxins... but only if it is dark chocolate, the less sugar the better. Milk choc is seriously yummy but far from good as it contains a huge amount of sugar and preservatives... best to stay away from it ;)

Now most of us eat chocolate when we feel sad, this happens because our body/brain is craving foods which make us feel good. Chocolate helps release endorphins which helps lower our stress level... so what better way then to eat chilli chocolate?

As for the taste; I would normally say that if you hate spicy foods that you shouldn’t try it but that would be unfair to state. A close friend of mine HATES and I mean reaaaally HATES chilli, but I persuaded her to try it, she took one tiny bite, her face looked like a baby trying a lemon for the first time...lol... but then she took another bite, and another and soon she was asking for more...

So the conclusion is, don’t take one nibble and assume you don’t like it, it is truly an interesting and enjoyable taste, you just have to give it a chance... and I assure you, you will like it...

Don’t worry about the level of hotness the bar has, on a level of 1-10, I would give it a 1, but don’t take my word for it as I come from Malaysia and my taste buts have had plenty of practice and desensitised with spicy food... so I suggest on taking a small bite (keep some sugar or milk by your side to tone down the heat if you cant handle it, everyone is different with taste) and let is melt in your mouth, if ya don’t like it, at least try it again... the brain tends to dislike many foods the first time as its not used to it...

Enjoy!

Tarachin © 2009

Reflections on the year so far...

This year has proved to be more then a good year, it is a year of change, of new beginnings and an end to all the pain I’ve pondered on over the past 3 years…

It is time to set aside all that was lost and look toward all that can be. I know that the world is going through a huge crisis with its economy, but this is temporary, I can feel it deep within, I am sure.

I woke up today, feeling that something was coming, something new and exiting. I am here finally, in a place I can finally call home, without judgment from others, without being reprimanded for all my outspoken words.

I received my work permit last week, and even though I have been waiting anxiously for it, I was fearful of what I have to do next… work like everyone else. Its not that I don’t like working, its that I have not had a day job in more then 8 years (due to not being a permanent resident in Malaysia), and as much as it exited me to know I am one step closer to making ALL my dreams come true, I am truly fearful of not doing the best I can with a normal job, as I will have to relearn everything.

I'm sure everyone feels the same on their first day of work and so I must be strong, I will not let this take over me, I will not allow this fear to get the best of me.

I find it so unusual that I’m never nervous or fearful with my modeling work, never have been. Even dancing in front of thousands of people and every other freelance job has never been a worry for me, but the second I find out I have to work a permanent job I freak out!!!!

I’m such a weird thing, and yet I’m always facing my fears, telling myself that the moment I do it, the fear will disappear and I will laugh at myself wondering why I was worried in the first place…

Mum called me yesterday, god I miss her so, she did a tarot reading for me and confirmed that my panic attacks are due to my subconscious mind feeding my nerves; it explains why I have been so jittery these past few days. Mum is always right, I know that moving to California and doing things I only dreamt of in only 4 months has been a big shock to me… I never thought Id get to where I am this fast…

Everything is happening soooo fast, I cant keep up with myself... lol… but its what I have always wanted!

I’m blessed, I can only be thankful for everything life has given me, for how far I have come considering I have had no stepping stones apart from MM and came from a poor & broken down past barely surviving in a heartless country that never gave me a citizenship, poor mum, a single mother trying so hard to keep a roof over our head, I'm so glad I dropped out of school to help her... I so cant wait to get my family here so they may have a good future and be as happy as I am… they deserve it more then anything…

I just want to make the best of this beautiful opportunity that has been given to me, and no matter how fearful the unknown may be, I will pull through and make my family proud… Mum will one day have her own cottage home she has always wanted, I will work myself to the bone to get my siblings through collage and I will buy my own house in a few years, maybe less. I will make my husband the happiest man alive, I will go back to school, get my GED's and go to collage for Interior design and chiffon acrobats...

Nothing can stop me…

Dream big, aim high, be thankful and all will come to be…

Tarachin © 2009

Desolate land

Calling into the nothing, into what I see is not there,
Where has all of this gone? Abandoned and bare,
Confusion sets, eating away at burned skin,
Survival hits hard, I must be free from sin.

Cast me out into insanity, no longer can I feel pain,
I am free from all I knew, I will not die in vain,
Push me to limits, no care, I have nothing left,
Keep me, leave me, rip me, abandoned for death.

This may be all this land is made of,
Desolate in all, no growth no broth,
Alone, so quiet, only thoughts can be heard,
No life in sight, the virus spreads, pain endured,

Sweat stings my eyes, my mouth dry,
Crawling on knees, from forces at high,
The ground moves, shaking all that stood,
Trying to swallow me, like fire on wood.

What is there left to take, all life has drained,
Leave those few that walk this shattered plain,
Crippled death awaits, the dark hunts its prey,
Struggle to breath, stay awake, heed the day.

Virtues share power, cleaning the broken slates,
Your victory will not last, the fall of you awaits,
The ground rumbles, dust covers the horizon,
Quaked from war, gas turns wind into poison,

Free this land, take your hand from its grounds,
Reverse the plague, banish the flesh gutted hounds.
Ravaging in fear of what may soon be lost,
Destiny will come, colder then the winters frost.

Never ending sack, proud of your destruction,
Keeping our sanity, tormenting with devastation,
This captured essence, will soon be over,
Its reign will no longer stifle the survivor.

Feel the life in me slowly fade, I care but not,
Desolate land lived in, stale bodies slowly rot,
Fighting but yet giving in, living yet slowly dying,
Crusade I must, weak in agony, barely surviving.

Tarachin © 2009

Destiny in Names

Many have asked about the name Tarachin and I thought I would dedicate a post to all my given names; their meanings, origins, facts and how they are weirdly connected with each other. I strongly believe that a name can help create a person’s basic identities, as words are vibrations, repeating a word to a person directs energy and in turn helps create them as an individual. Do keep in mind my mother did not know these meanings when naming me.

The goddess "Venus"- Unknown Artist

I was born Vanessa Woolley and am still known as V.W. within my writings and paintings. My mother left open the option of a middle name so that if I chose to, I could add whatever I liked when I grew up.

* Vanessa derives from the Latin name Venusa or better known as the Goddess Venus. In ancient Greek the name means Butterfly; from Phanessa, the mystic goddess of an ancient Greek brotherhood.

* There are a wide range species of butterfly named Vanessa, commonly found in the Americans as well as Australia.

* Irish writer Jonathan Swift for Esther Vanhomrigh, whom Swift had met in 1708 and whom he tutored, invented the use of the name Vanessa.

* One of the funny things I found out is that backwards, my name is Assenav Yelloow, sounds a bit like Ass Enough Yellow..lol

Wikipedia on Vanessa (name) & Vanessa (Butterfly)
Interesting writings of the name Vanessa

Above," Juno (Hera)" are derivations from "Suria", Syrian Goddess of Fertility - Unknown Artist

When my mother married again, my first name was changed to Suria and I carried that name for 14 years until I was old enough to decide to carry my birth name.

* Suria derives from the Arabic name Thureya meaning 'The brightest star in the sky" also known as our "Sun". Suria is well known in Malaysia as a female name and also means "Sun" in the Malay language.

* Suria, also Syria, is the female deification of supposedly good flowing water, conceived as a weaning Mother goddess, in ancient Celtic polytheism. She was worshipped in Roman Britain and altar-stones raised to her have been recovered at various sites in the United Kingdom. Her name may be derived from the Proto-Celtic *Su-rejā meaning "good-flowing water".

Wikipedia on Suria (name)
The name Suria in “Anacalypsis” by Godfrey Higgins
Interesting writings of the name Suria

The Tibetan Goddess 'Tara" Green - Unknown Artist

Three years ago after a life altering experience, my mother was doing a tarot reading and the Goddess Tara kept on coming up in my tarot spreads. Mum later told me that she thought it be good if I added Tara to my name. I was interested but did not think much of it.

A few weeks later mum and I went to a Tibetan Buddhist Temple to receive prayers and blessings to better my life. After chants were finished I went up to the head Monk, and he asked to speak with me in private. With mum by my side we talked for a while and mum told him that Tara should be added in my name, he agreed but said, "wait,” … “she will be named Tara-Chin", he smiled to me adding; "and with this name you will be liberated from your troubled life, you will now fly free". I was not sure why at the time but I felt a big weight taken off my body, and now I know it because of the name. Ever since using this name, not only as a middle name but as a first name in my modeling, my life has been free of troubles and I am liberated in mind and heart more then I have ever been my whole life.

* The name Tarachin (pronounced Dha-ra-Jhin) is Sanskrit. The word 'Tara' in Tibetan refers to the “Goddess Tara” also known as the “female Buddha”, "Goddess of Mercy" or "Quan-Yim" in the Buddhist teachings. Tara means "Goddess of Love and Mercy" and Chin means "Liberated". In Korean “Chin” means precious.

* Tarachin also has a meaning in the Indian Mythology as both Tibetan and Indian teachings derived from Sanskrit. "Tara" means Star/Shining and "Chin” means "imprint”. Tara is one of the names of the wife of Shiva.

* Chin (Mayan god); Chin is one of the names mentioned by Las Casas for a deity said to have introduced homoerotic relationships to the Maya peoples living in the 16th-century Verapaz provinces. Under customary law, such relationships, between men of different ages, were akin to legal marriages, and any attempt on the honour of the younger partner was punishable as adultery. About Chin's mythological role, nothing else is known.

* In Gaelic; its meaning is "hill; star". Ancient Tara was the site of the "stone of destiny" also known as Teamhair na Rí in Meath, on which kings resided in Ireland from Neolithic times (~5,000 BC) to the 6th century or later.

Wikipedia on Tara (name)
Wikipedia on Chin (name)
Interesting writings of the name Tara
Interesting writings of the name Tarachin


Now here comes the weird part...

* Different people gave all my names, my mum did not know of any of these meanings and so she could not have been the culprit if this was some sort of joke, all names are connected to each other in meaning.
* Vanessa, Suria & Tara are Goddesses.
* Vanessa & Tara are both planets.
* Tara and Suria are both Stars in our sky.
* When I was a child, I used to call a butterfly "Flutterby" which is the original name of a butterfly (Vanessa).

Venus transit over the Sun- Image by Nasa

* Shortly after knowing the meaning to my name I witnesses Venus (Vanessa) eclipse over the Sun (Suria)
* The sum of alphabetical order of letters in VANESSA is 81; V (22) + A (1) + N (14) + E (5) + S (19) + S (19) + A (1) = 81. I was born in 1981. Now how much weirder can that get?!!!

What amazes me is that I never went looking for these names until people started telling me what they meant. I did my research and was astounded by how all names are connected.

This goes to show that your name\names are given to you as part of your destiny. Many say that our life is planned out for us before we are born; I think this is the proof that there is more truth behind the saying.

Feel free to use the links given to find out your name’s meaning or Google your name and let me know what it means... It might just change your life. I would love to hear your feedback!

Tarachin © 2009

Swollowed by Night

Driven by infection, of the creation of you, from came the darkness of my discretion's.
Swept by wind from the stricken dim, I cannot sin, for you I will begin.
Give the want; I’m sunk by desires swamp, in which you made to make me numb, from the bad of hand.
I’m a slave, in the cave, which you gave, in pleasure; I will live there forever.
These roots stand grounded, with out, divided, lost in oceans, storms clouded, stranded.

Swallowed by night, given back to light, from the night, given flight, to seek the life of right….

Dark waters feed your soul, Give me night, I give you light, and we are now equal, one whole, eternal.
Thorns, like knives, born divided lives, Jump in the end of deep, no more we weep.
Your darkness, sensuous, like the brightness; Setting free, the demon within, into reality.
Early madness fills the sky, it feels no lie, fusions, look towards, they sigh, A thousand years; we die.
Falling, crippling, driving the earth from the depth, you cannot devour what’s lit within.

Swallowed by night, given back to light, from the night, given flight, to seek the right of life….

No use in fighting, ill give the torches of lighting, to shake free the burning of evil wording.
This course of life, is no sacrifice, you pay no price for its torment is a power enticed.
Death fills the sky, like blurry eyes of tears, for once was clear and fair; we will now stare at life no longer there.
But trust in the dark as do the light, for we will fight, as death comes, our soul shine light; the balance is in sight.
Your gripping, waiting, for what within is coming, to end it seems, it is but only a beginning.

Swallowed by night, given back to light, from the night, given flight, to seek the life of right….

For you I will be, for you I will see, set the free within, you hold the power of us, come, be one with me.
Tugging, reaching, for what is good and bad, all has been, all will be, we will survive, the truth you’ll see.
Give me your darkness, then be painless, you live for me, the new, ill eat what’s left of this sickness.
My light will take it all, the dark will fall, the balance once again within us, we bare only a heartbeat, three in all.
Now you see, why the fight in me, for your dark & my light, together we had won a right, to be a balanced light in your night.

Swallowed by night, given back to light, from the night, given flight, to seek the right of life…

I would do all needed, in all that was wrong to be part of you, to see it through, to be the dark for you.
So you may be me, the bright I see, to set you free, the good and bad equal, now one whole, balanced, eternal.

Tarachin © 2009

New Year Baby Blues

This is to mark the end of my New Year Boo Hoo's...

As the year comes to an end I find myself in the same mood as always, its unfortunate that I relate this day to negative and pessimistic times in life. Neither happy nor wanting to celebrate this day of renewal and all because of the repetitions of sorrow I have felt throughout the years; Never bringing the feeling of excitement & rejuvenation but more the memories it holds and what this day means to me.

Being a New Year baby always put a damper on the day. The date where many hope their babies will decide pop out into our confusing world is actually the worse day to have a Birthday. My birth was a very joyous one for many; being the only girl born on New Year in the town of Aldershot, I received celebrity attention and poor mum didn't see me for a whole 4 hours after I was born. The Press was all over the story of the special babies but forgot to mention that there wasn't a sober doctors at the hospital when mum was in labor. Six feet of snow and freezing temperatures, mum bundled me up like a little mummy and went home. Oh how I wish I could have talked then, I would have said,"WAIT! I want to wait one more day!!!". It would be just like Stewie Griffin adding a "I'LL KILL YOU!" in there just cause it sounds good, would've be great to see the Press go all crazy trying to record me without mobile phones; they didn't think they needed more then a camera & a walkie talkie in those days.. ahahaha... suckers!

I feel sorry for those who never had proper birthdays due to the New Year steeling all the celebration. Many think of it as a wonderful Birthday to have until you realize that only a few people will ever show up due to them being at other parties, getting stuck in traffic or they are just too sloshed to make it past the door. "Sorry I cant make it" is a sentence Ive heard more times then Bush mentioning "Taliban".

Growing up I had always celebrated my birthday with my younger sister Sarah; her birthday being on the 5th of January always seemed the best idea, but even then none of my friends would show up; Somehow as a child, it always seemed like a nasty joke. Instead we had a house filled with mum & step dad's friends all celebrating Sarah's Birthday as the Evil Step Dad purposely forgot to mention that my birthday was 4 days before that and so the presents were never even; only made me want to hide his big ass Motorola phone even more then before just to make him ticked off.

The only moments that meant so much to me was when mum would wake me up at a quarter to midnight on New Years Eve, saying she had a surprise for me. Mum would pick me up and place me on her lap in front of the TV. We would watch the countdown and at the stroke of midnight mum would squeeze me with excitement and say, "Happy Birthday my petal, all those fireworks are for your cause your so special". Mum had her amazing ways of making me feel like the day was not just another day. She has always wished me Happy Birthday before the New Year wishes... selfishly enough, I have always liked it that way.

In my teens the New Year was fun in all the sense of the word. Going out to clubs, drinking until my memory went blank and watching the fireworks at the beach a few steps from the clubs (I lived on an island) was always a great sight but yet one thing was always missing... The feeling of having a party thrown by someone else on my birthday and not for New Year. Thinking back I realized I have never had this. To many this sounds immature but think about it; every child gets birthdays and if that child doesn't experience that special day as an individual then they will grow up feeling that the day has no meaning.

As the years go by, the day becomes more sad then happy. Not to mention my engagement proposal by Chris was on the stroke of twelve New Years Day 2006 (He sadly passed away 4 months later) made the day even more unbearable for me to celebrate. So many good things on a single occasion can disrupt the balance and I feel that this year I am back at the same point where all these sad memories come flooding back. How can I find happiness on this day? Will I ever be able to overcome this pathetic view of New Year?

Today, I have made a decision not to celebrate the day as my Birthday but for once as an end to all the nonsense that I have been lugging around with me all these years. My new years resolution will be to not bring these sad times into the next year. Even down to the big things that some think are petty, I will throw all of it away and start anew. From now on my birthday will be on the 10th of January so the demons of the New Year Baby Blues will not have a hold me. All I hope is that my feelings will not get the better of me and that I will not go swirling down into pathetic self centered sulking. My life is good now (Apart from the fact I cant drive myself to shoots until I get my license), I have nothing to be ungrateful for and all is good and well .


Tarachin © 2009

Terror Attacts in India; My views...

"No matter what happens in the world and no matter what terror people try to put into you, we should not stop living our lives and travel for our careers. We should not let terrorists instill the 'terror' in us, without the 'terror' they have no purpose. If I was called to India to work I would go, because apart from the tragic recent occurrences (which continues worldwide), India is still one of the only countries which inspire my art & modeling from its never ending color, faith, history & heritage. I pray for those who were victims and for an end to these tragic attacks." - Tarachin

Tarachin © 2009

Understanding Tarots, Runes & Ouija Boards; Are they connected? Can we talk to spirits through these objects?

Many of us have heard of these methods used to communicate with the deceased, lost souls, D'Jin's, Demons, etc. But do they work? That is something only we as individuals can answer... this is my understanding...

From past experiences I have learned not to mess with the unknown. What you think may not exist or harm you could very well be deadly. Not to say these entities would one day jump out and hurt you, but the unknown could harm if you choose to meddle with it through opening doors to other dimensions, without understanding how to protect yourself or knowing how to close these doors..

Sadly, I have "seen" entities which have harmed others. Entities do not bother those who do not care to believe in them, so you would be safe being ignorant, and there is no harm in not believing in them. I have seen people take their own lives due to the meddling of spirits and am grateful to be alive to pass on my stories.

All my life I have understood that those who choose to see, open parts of their minds & use extra energy that most do not wish to comprehend. Our brain sends out waives of energy; just like there is static in everything in the universe, we give and receive energy all the time. Entities are made out of the same energy, and so we can feel them if we are open to it; like having the feeling that someone is behind you, seeing something from the corner of your eye or feeling the hair on your neck stand on end. When we use Ouija Boards, we are simply focusing our energy onto that object and in return the entities may wish to do the same; this in turn creates a portal for communication.

There is no difference between Tarots, Runes, Ouija's or any other objects used to contact the "dead"; they are just ways of connecting energies. The ONLY difference they may have is the way they are used; we can use them to show us our lives in times of need, without calling upon spirits, but instead using our own energy to tap into our subconscious (which is all knowing), to answer questions on our past and future (time has no end or beginning, time is never-ending & happens simultaneously).

We all have our own ways of believing & understanding life. These Objects are just another way for many to cope in our enigmatic existence. The more open we are to the unknown, the more peace we find with ourselves and life, and with this we find that happiness, forgiveness & love is at easy reach; Sadness, loss & regret only keep us from seeing the truth of life and death, and prevent us from being truly free.

*Note:: Please do not take Tarots, Runes & Ouija Boards lightly. These objects should be used with care and wisdom, with the guidance of your higher spiritual guides. If misused without the understanding of unwanted energy (which can be accidentally invoked), this could make ones life very hard and chaotic*

Tarachin © 2009

Afterlife Sceptics

I find it fascinating at how skeptics choose their words, I have respect for their views of cause but think about this; just because something does not show its self doesn't mean it does not exist. For example, the giant squid was considered a mythical creature until they found one 3 years ago. Ever since then many have been re-thinking their views on what IS "real" and what isn't. I once had someone tell me that the best way to understand is to just to be all understanding, in other words; it takes a second to agree to something and to say "well if it exists in someone's mind, life, faith, etc then it is real as reality exist the way an individual chooses to see it". This makes "everything" real, down to the last thought in your mind... but yet... many will say that your thought is only imagination... but it exists to you doesn't it? So, if a SINGLE thought exists, whose to say that the afterlife, spirits, ghosts and everything that cant be seen is just as much a reality then a thought?

Tarachin © 2009

Some peoples views on art nude get my blood boiling!!!!

So many have said that my work is not "PORNOGRAPHIC" at all, well, BECAUSE IT IS NOT!!!!!! IT IS ART NUDE >>>>> ART ART ART ART ART ART NUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ummm, no offense to anyone but this is the reason why i give art nude workshops & lectures to photographers in Asia; because they seem to think that just because its NUDE, that it is sexual is some way or another. This close minded view of the nude body is killing the art & beauty which was made us to begin with... Look at it from this point...

WERE WE ALL BORN IMMEDIATELY HAVING SEX?... NO!
WERE WE BORN WITHOUT CLOTHS?...YES!
IS IT NATURAL TO BE NAKED?... OBVIOUS ANSWER ID SAY!!

So why should we see the nude body as sexual? ...

Simply because it has been conditioned in our minds from when we were children. If you take a baby for instance; it does not feel shy in any manner, and that is the way all of should have stayed. If we were all naked then rape, molestation, etc, would be uncommon as the majority would not bother about nakedness and sexual tension when seeing a person take their cloths off (Cloths would be a waste of time)... it would be unheard of that in turn people would spend less time buying cloths and feeling insecure, and spend more time to love and take care of what is right.

Money will become less of a want and more of a need, and things would be much better. Just take a look at tribal people, the nudists and naturalists; do you see them killing and raping each other?... NO!

I don't know about you, but personally, there is no other liberation better then when I am naked. I feel I can breath; my soul, mind and body breaths life. I am more comfortable without then with cloths. If only everyone had the chance to feel this amazing freedom without worrying about everyone around them... but that wont ever happen... sadly enough.

If ever you get a chance to go to a secluded island somewhere, just do it; take of the cloths that suffocate your soul and run down the beach butt naked screaming your head off like a mad man!!! IT IS THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, now i really have to stop or ill end up writing a book...

- Originally written on Wed Apr 09, 2008 4:14 am


Tarachin © 2009

Disappointment with flaky Malaysian Photographers

I have been here for a total of 5 months, during this time I have worked with over 60 photographers and am sad to say that only a handful of them have been “professional”, when I say professional I mean by their working ethics and not the quality of the pictures. Being a photographer is all about passion, it is a form of art and with this comes future works that blow minds.

I came here to visit the home I grew up in, having lived here for 21 years, I realised why I had moved away in the first place. People here always complain that the world does not give them a chance to show their works, that Malaysians are ‘left behind’ in a world, which is moving forward. Now I can see why this is.

I’m writing this so that the flakes (adjective: a flaky person; foolish, silly, frivolous, flighty, spacey.) out there will understand what they are doing to the professionals in the industry.

When a professional Art Nude model like myself comes to Malaysia you would think that they will be overjoyed at the chance to further themselves/skills/portfolio so that they may have a chance to be professional in the art of photography and move overseas, but yet that is not the outcome. Instead I have received mostly flaky bookings, cancellations and constant bargaining of my rates (sometimes asking for a down price of RM50 per hour) like as if I am a piece of meet on sale at a flee market. For this I am gravely disappointed.

Put it this way, if you want quality then you have to pay for quality and my rates of RM350 per hour are below the average price. If anyone would have taken the time to look up online then they would have seen that I’m undercharging for my work, and I know I am good at what I do.

This is why models from overseas don’t come here, they don’t see the point of being underpaid for their talent whether it is nude or not, the industry here does not respect the worldwide market nor does it take care of its models.

What makes it worse is those who are not even half way to the professional level in their works have the cheek to think they are so good that Id do free shoots with them, and when I turn them down they then say I am not good at what I do anyway. What right does anyone have to say that to a model, especially one who has worked with world renown published photographers? If I was not good at my works then well known photographers would have not asked me to work with them on a regular basis.

I get irritated with the things that come out of photographers mouths, i.e., “I am a hobbyist so could u give me half price” (I work with hobbyists in US and they are very very good at what they do, it doesn’t make a difference to me) or “I think your works are not that good, I can do better for a TFCD” (and their works are well below my view of good) or “I will give you the same rate if you will let me have sex with you while I take your picture”…. It disgusts me on levels, which I can’t even begin to explain. Flirting and dirty talk is more common in this country then any other one I have visited.

You may think that I get this because I’m a nude model in an Asian country but then why don’t I get it in other counties in Asia?

Its simple, this happens because the photographers are not exposed to the worldwide market (taking into consideration the fact that the law does not help as it is a Muslim country), they do not wish to move forward, they stay in their comfort zone when all they have to do is go to Spore to find good models and pay to get good talents. But no, they wont bother because they don’t have the passion enough to spend out to get quality, instead they rather use a first timer model that is scared of showing their body and pictures don’t turn out good just because they wish to save a few bucks.

I have stressed my concerns to all the photographers I have worked with here and they all do agree that Malaysian’s have to somehow buck up or there will be no recognitions for their works in the worldwide market. The world spins and doesn’t wait for you, it will leave you behind. The unprofessional photographers are killing what chance the professionals have to succeed and move overseas to become well known.

I do know that I will get many who will defend against what I am saying here and chances are they will hate me for it because the truth does get to people but I am only writing this in what spare time I have to make Malaysians realise what they are doing to their reputation.

I think overall I have had some great experiences, especially with the crew from Picture Elements, Sun from Penang and Ted Adnan’s groups, many should learn from them, as they are what I call up to par and professional in all sense of the word. They will go far as they are humble, kind, fun, and put all passion in to what they wish the result to be. I have great respect for those who are professional but to those and only those who are flaky with cancellations, flirtatiousness, with bargain and take for grated an opportunity of a lifetime I have no respect for.

I do hope and pray that whomever reads this will take it and use it to better themselves, I am not putting down those who are good at what they do, I have no intentions to do so. I am only stressing the fact that the photography society in Malaysia has to change.

At the end of the day we all have to better ourselves to achieve our dreams and just because you may have the best pictures doesn’t mean you are good because professionalism is all about ATTITUDE & RESPECT as well.

Originally written on Mon May 12, 2008 4:45 pm


Tarachin © 2009

Lucid Dreaming

Lucid dreaming has always been very fascinating to me. I've done hours of research on the subject & am overwhelmed at the fact that so many people lucid dream. The best way to except this remarkable gift/talent is to keep in mind that our consciousness goes on even when we are asleep. Just like dreams, we are aware/conscious in them and BELIEVE that they are real & that things can hurt us. From my experience, this is possible… I have been stabbed in a dream & have felt tremendous agony just to wake up still in pain. Lucid dreaming on the other hand is way more exiting compared to normal dreams, being fully aware in dream state. We may choose what we wish in lucid dreams & create an environment, which we are comfortable with. We can go places we've never been before or meet people we've never met… its truly the most magnificent state of awareness.

I started lucid dreaming around the age of 3 & as I matured, my talent seemed to fade away. By the time I reached 14 I seemed to have lost my dream world & yearned everyday to once again feel that freedom. The reason many lose it towards their teen years is because the waking 'reality' becomes the main focus in life & our dream state becomes less important. This is such a shame as Lucid Dreaming is essential for the understanding & handling of our waking state by recreating it in our dreams, so we may be able to handle our problems, weaknesses, & fears with great ease. Everyone whether they realise it or not have at some pint in their lives experienced lucid dreaming, it is something we are all born with, so why don't we talk about it? I think its because others don't think they have the talent & that others may look upon them as 'mad people' if the subject is mentioned. But being the way I am I often ask people and found that over 80% of them have had the pleasure of being aware of dreaming during their dream state. Very rarely would I come across an adult who still lucid dreams. The fact that many have not exercised this natural born gift may point to the fact that we are on the road to spiritual destruction as this is a form of meditation & meditation is a essential part of life.

Since the age of 4 I have had lucid dreams but not on a daily basis as I did in my childhood. The most I would have would be a little over 7 dreams a year & they only happen when I am fully relaxed about life. I often think about the dreams I once had & wish somehow I would have the time to learn it again. The fun I used to have was literally mind boggling, it used to be my escape from my world of reality. I used to shoot down big ugly monsters, save my mum from bad people & dance in a way that was impossible in waking state, but what I truly loved was to fly and breath in water. The feeling was out of this world, it was a feeling of total liberation, soaring over the earth in to space & then diving in full speed back to earth in to the ocean. It always felt like I was there forever but I was really only a few hours at a time. If I got bored in my dreams I would picture myself on a building, then jump off it so that I could wake myself, go back to sleep & dream of another location, through all this I was fully conscious & felt safe from the waking world. But now it happens so rarely that I forget I can even do it.
The good news is that there are ways to learn how to control your dreams & I have included some links to websites which can teach you step by step on how to lucid dream, give it a go… believe me, its well worth your time.

Its funny how s many don't seem to care about learning the different states of consciousness even though it is one of the reasons we are born… for our soul to experience life. We go about our daily routine & forget about our spiritual life… forget about feeding our soul. We do not exercise the gifts that were given to us from our first heart beat & care to much for the things that drain the life force from our body's, our planet & then complain that life is too painful to bare. All we have to do is hake up & look within. Start using our brain… we only use a relatively small percentage of our brain capacity (approx 12-15%, artists use 16-18%, only geniuses approach a little over 20%). What about the other 80%? Can you imagine what our lives would be like if mankind lived to its full potential? Earth would be a paradise & our destiny is nothing less then that. It is important of us to take hold of our intellectual potential, our intuition and out infinite inner knowledge, we can if we choose, if it not be for us then for our loved ones & for the next generation! It is not to late to save ourselves & our dying planet!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lucid dreaming (lucid from Latin, lux "light") is the conscious perception of one's state while dreaming, resulting in a much clearer experience and can be as if the dreamer were awake, even sometimes enabling direct control over the content of the dream, a realistic world that is to some degree in the control of the dreamer.[1] The complete experience from start to finish is called a lucid dream. Stephen LaBerge, a popular author and experimenter on the subject, has defined it as "dreaming while knowing that you are dreaming."[2]
LaBerge and his associates have called people who purposely explore the possibilities of lucid dreaming oneironauts (literally from the Greek word, meaning "dream sailors").
The validity of lucid dreaming as a scientifically verified phenomenon is well-established.[3][4] Researchers such as Allan Hobson with his neurophysiological approach to dreaming have helped to push the understanding of lucid dreaming into a less speculative realm.

- Originally written on Thursday, May 03, 2007


Tarachin © 2009

Premonitions

Having premonitions is one of the scariest things one could ever experience. Just last November I had one & it was again about a Tsunami meters high coming towards me, a few days later I opened the newspaper (which I very rarely do) & to my shocking amazement, on the front page was an article of an 8.1 earthquake near Japan and a Tsunami alert was sent out, this scared me & sent shivers down my spine. My sister Nicky is also very gifted & as I sat down bed reading the article, she told me of a dream she had a day after mine, also of a Tsunami. We have never had premonitions so close to each other & for two people to seen the same thing is a definite warning of something about to happen.

I received my 1st premonition at the age of 15, two years after losing my ability to Lucid Dream on a daily basis. That day I woke from a terrible dream of me running away from a tornado. I then got out of bed and went to the kitchen to make myself my usual milo and toast. I then sat down n switched on the TV & to my horrified eyes I saw the tornado on the news, the same picture that I saw in my dreams not more then 20 minutes earlier. I ran to my mum & told her what I had seen & she calmed me down saying it was just a coincidence (I have found out since that these gifts have run in my family for generations and my mum has them all the time). I didn't receive a single premonition for another 7 years & since then they have never stopped. After a long break I started dreaming of Tsunami's & it continued on & off for 11 months. I would dream of my family on the beach & as I looked out to the sea I could see a white line on the horizon, each time I looked out the white line would get thicker & thicker. I would start screaming to all to run for higher ground but no one would listen, then as I looked up again I would see the wave taller then a 10 floor building swallow me & my family up. This particular dream was most common for me but I have also dreamt other different tsunami dreams throughout those 11 months, never would I have believed that they would become a reality...

On December 26, I was called by a number of friends saying that there had been an earthquake, one of my friends felt his building sway, & people in the apartment were frantically running out. I was shocked, as Malaysia doesn't receive earthquakes. Even though it was not far from where I lived, I did not feel anything. I found out that the plates under the ocean near Sumatra had shifted & had caused an 8.2 earthquake & tidal waves which had killed thousands. Another friend called me minutes later to inform me of the same tidal wave had also reached Penang Island, which is my hometown & is where my family live. I panicked & immediately called my mum, I prayed that my dreams were wrong about my family dying & to my relief my dreams were wrong about my family… but that was the only thing that didn't come true, unfortunately all the other things I had dreamt happened. Friends lost their loved ones (God rest their souls), beach side businesses & houses had been destroyed & washed away. I felt so sad for those hundreds of thousands around the world who died & those who lost everything in their lives. I'm grateful to God that she spared the life of my family as my mum was planning to go fishing with my brother & mum's partner but decided not to go as they felt uneasy, mum knew something was wrong as it was awfully silent, she went out to the garden that morning & did not hear any birds chirp or sing (which is very unusual on a tropical Island like Penang), even her Chinese robin that sings from the break of dawn till sunset wasn't singing. Thank God my mum loves birds so much or she would have lost her life.

I spent New Years day, which is also my birthday at home, I didn't celebrate but instead paid my respects & lit candles for the people who lost their lives. I felt angry at myself for not being able to give warning as I received dreams of the Tsunami for roughly 11 months, as I lit the candles I realised that I would never be the same again. I will see my dreams in a different light & take them more seriously but yet until today I find it had to differentiate between visions, premonitions, & normal dreams. I've not yet had enough experience; I have so much to learn about my gifts & life. What about all the other dreams I've received over the years of natural disasters, dreams of the end of the world? Will they come true? I'm too afraid to know, I pray they wont come to be.

After the Tsunami tragedy, I would receive terrible dreams of falling buildings, I would see myself in a building, it would start to sway & then collapse. I've had these dreams for many years, they rarely happened but this time the dreams were different. As the months went by I would also dream that I would jump out of the building before it fell & became fearful of tall apartments after sometime, for me this is unusual as I have a love of heights & have been bungee jumping & have always wanted to base jump and sky dive. I used to wake up crying to Chris (my late fiancé) he would always comfort me but I always knew it was more then a dream. The dreams became stronger, more vivid when I started to stay at his parent's house in Kayu Ara. He stayed on the 11th floor, for some odd reason the number 11 has always had some significance in my life, I've stayed at three apartments all on the 11th floor & I do not believe in coincidences. I would become uneasy in the lift on the way up, there were occasions where I would panic & ask Chris to take me back down to the ground floor. I'm sure he must have thought that I was being paranoid but months ahead on the 30th of April I found out why I had been so scared… Chris fell to his death from that damned 11th floor. I was crushed to lose the man I loved & was to marry… It is something I will never get over. By this time I realized something, if I dream of me dying, it meant someone close to me would die… all the while I thought otherwise. I wish it was me who died & not Chris but that is something I cannot change.

Once again I was truly angry, upset & disappointed with myself for not perceiving my dreams/premonitions correctly, however I get them I just hope that one day I can use them to help a situation or to warn someone before something bad happens. This might take me years, maybe ill never be able to learn but for now I can only pray & wait. I'm not saying I'm psychic or God but I know I'm not normal, I've known this since I was a child. I've always been very in touch with my emotions & can sense people's emotions very easily. Most don't even believe gift's like this exist & I will be seen as a loony bin but that doesn't phase me. It makes me laugh when many say…"your weird" because weird is only used on a person whom cannot be understood, it doesn't make me greater then others; just more in tuned to my senses. I'm not saying that seeing things before they happen is a beautiful gift, I'm saying it's a curse as well as a blessing & should be used to give light on to the world… that is what I will do… as soon as I can….

- Originally written on Thursday, May 03, 2007

Tarachin © 2009

Déjà vu

Déjà vu happens to me so often that it has become a very important part of my life. The best way to understand déjà vu is that it is the feeling of 'knowing'& realising that we already know our past, present & future subconsciously, it is imbedded in our minds but we all have chosen to forget it. Only when our minds choose to connect to our soul can we experience déjà vu in a constant flow. I don't get déjà vu as much as I would like but when I do, it can last for up to an hour at a time & can become quite freaky. I'll mess around just to see if I could change the déjà vu as I'm experiencing it but no matter what I do its still goes according the way its meant to happen, it will continue for as long as my soul needs. I could be waking down the street & know exactly what's going to happen next, I love this feeling… of knowing, especially when I know how a conversation will go. This is our proof that our past, present & future is connected & IS all happening NOW, it is proof that there is no such thing as man made time…

- Originally written on Thursday, May 03, 2007

Tarachin © 2009

Visions

Iv been getting visions lately just as I did as a child. They stopped for a long 4-5 years for some reason but now they have returned stronger then before. Most people have visions like I do but they just choose to ignore them; they are somewhat like dreams but more vivid & sometimes can be seen while we are fully awake while I'm going about my daily life. I could call them premonitions but I feel that premonitions are more about the world's future, not just on an individual person.

When I was at the age of 8, I used to see visions of myself as an adult & in these weird dreams I would be talking to people whom I have not met, I would look at myself in a mirror and say that this will be me in 20 years & feel unusual feelings which at that time have not been felt before as a child. As the years passed by I would meet these people that my dreams had shown me from my younger years & it would puzzle me as to how I could I could have known them through my dreams. It happened so often that I used to prepare myself for these dream friends & was always exited when they finally entered my life, some of these dream friends I would be weary of as I was in my visions & depending on the feeling I received during these pre-meetings I would decide on whether I should keep these friends. Sometimes I meet individuals that I know I have met in visions but cannot place or remember if they were kind to me, these individuals normally turn out to be great friends in life…

- Originally written on Thursday, May 03, 2007

Tarachin © 2009

Past Lives

I seem to be attracted to certain people I see walking on the street, a person in a bar or public place, the feeling of needing to meet them will be so strong that sometimes I will just go up to them and say hi. Its amazing because when I do I find that I feel I have known them for a whole lifetime, this is something that happens to all of us at least once in our life & is always a beautiful experience. I strongly believe that these people are from our passed lives & have chosen to be with us again in our present life to re-meet & to finish off the tasks both could not complete in those past lives. I believe these people are what we call soul mates but not all will follow us to the next life once the task at hand is complete in our present life.

Lovers that are soul mates will have the best relationships & loved ones will always be around us no matter in body or soul. All my closest friends I know have been there for me in my previous lives & am truly blessed to have met them again… this is what we call true love! & it is so strongly connected that it draws you to your loved ones no matter how many lifetimes you have lived, thank God for reincarnation…

- Originally written on Thursday, May 03, 2007

Tarachin © 2009

Could it be You?

As I watch the wind rustle the leaves on the trees I wonder...
Could it be you whose hand as gentle breeze touches my skin?
With a deep breath I can picture taking you within my body,
Filling my lungs with the air with which once you breathed...

Looking towards the clear sky as the sun shines upon me I wonder...
Could it be you giving me the warmth and comfort I need?
I close my eyes and imagine you are holding me so tightly,
Giving me your burning love through the sun's scorching rays...

Gazing upon the stars in the dark cold night I wonder...
Could it be you gazing back upon me wishing I were as bright?
If only you could give me back the sparkle you once gave my soul,
But you only make my nights darker by not doing so...

As the grey rain clouds cover the sky once so clear I wonder...
Could it be you crying rain as you feel my anguish and pain?
With my heart so broken I ask you to wipe away my tears,
But you cannot, just as I cannot stop the heaven's from opening...

Listening to the silence as everything falls into deep sleep I wonder...
Could it be you silencing the world so you can hear my thoughts?
Say it's you my love by showing me yourself through nature,
So I will know for sure you live on with all that breath's life....


- Originally written in July 2006

In loving memory of Christopher Chiam
1981-2006

My Dear Christopher.
Its has been a sad long 11 months and 25 days since I last saw you, and I will always cherish your life and the memories we had, I will always love you Chris, time will never change that. Thank you for showing me that life is so fragile, now I can let go and learn to love again... I know you have taken care of me since you have passed on and I know you will help me find someone who can love me the way I always love... with the whole of heart and not just a portion. I know you will love me for all eternity just as you had promised, I know you will never leave my side just as you had vowed.... that vow took you away from me and this life, so that you would fulfill it. I understand this now and I will never ask anyone to promise such a thing again.. please forgive for everything, I was just so scared of losing you... in the end I did but only in body. In 5 days I shall light a candle in memory of you and every year till the time comes when we may be reunited in soul... till then I will miss you every moment that passes...

God please rest your soul,
for you have had more then enough sadness,
I love you

- Originally written on Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Tarachin © 2009

With Great Loss Comes Great Gain

Nearly one year ago I experience a tragic loss, someone who was very close to me and i loved dearly, he was a kind and gentle person, one of the few who were genuine in nature and gave so much to the people around him. He died in a horrific manner and i was one of the two unfortunate people to witness him fall to his death, it destroyed a very big part of me and I found myself becoming a different person... I woke up to the reality of LIFE & how fragile it is. It shocked me so much that i became numb to everything around me and for months I was lost, mad, confused & a feeling of a void filled my being that even a single tear was impossible to shed. I found myself angry at just about everything & everyone, I focused on work to pass the time but yet I could not get my mind off his death, nothing seemed to work... I spent much of time writing letters to someone who had passed away, praying he would be reading it, that he would see my tears, feel my pain & give me a reason not take my own life; I asked him to take away my sorrows & help me find the happiness I felt when he was in human form...

As the months went by I decided that it was time for me to open up to others what i had experienced, I often wrote on one of my blogs & dedicated it to his life...
One day I checked my blog & found that a young gentleman had posted a comment. It was a very pleasant & supportive message, I replied & thanked him...
I never imagined myself at that time falling for someone again but this young man showed me that there was hope even when I thought there was no way out of such a painful state... this man is now my partner Alfie. I am fortunate to have been given a chance like this so soon after a loss, Alfie has been my savior, he saved me from falling deeper into my insanity. He was a gift from God, Chris brought Alfie to me. He was listening all along. He found me someone to complete me, to fill that void, take the pain away, wipe my tears & give me happiness I have searched for my whole life & for this I am truly grateful.
It made me realise so much about the sorrows of life; that when we lose we gain, when we are down there is no way to go but up & when life gives you hell you should always remember that heaven is around the corner.... we can only experience the joy of light once we have felt the shadows of darkness... this is Life, Life is balance!

- Originally written on Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Tarachin © 2009

Life can be so unfair

I often wonder how so many people can go through life making everyone around them unhappy just because they are unhappy themselves, thinking that either it will somehow comfort them or maybe make them feel stronger knowing they have some sort control over someone else's life. It is truly sad and i feel mad as well as deep pity towards these weak souls. I say this with compassion as i wish i could help them realize what damage they are causing towards the people they LOVE!

Time and time again I have been hurt by these people... I try to avoid them but they still wiggle their way into my life pretending to be a kind friend, taking advantage of my openness to dig for things they can use against me. Sadly enough, these cunning people always seem to be the one's we never doubt but end up shocking the lights out of us when we come to hear of their deceitful lies that have been aimed at us in jealousy, the people we never did wrong to, ever...

But out of all of this, what I find even more sickening are those who say things against you even though they don't know who you are as a person, they judge with minds filled with assumptions of who you MAY be and pierce your flesh with green eyes, they rather see you suffer then to see you happy.... just because they want you to feel like they do!!

These are the people who have hurt me and have destroyed the one thing that ever made me smile, laugh and feel happiness I thought never existed in our world, and all I can do now is cry and pray he will take me back as I feel lost without that love...a love I never felt before this...
For this, for what they have done they will pay the price that they have sadly laid out for themselves... for no one can escape the law of the universe and the eyes of truth are always watching.... "Bless those who have done us wrong and we shall be given peace!!!"

Originally written on Thursday, May 03, 2007

Tarachin © 2009

Making Love

Remember the night we spent together?
When we kissed and hugged, how I loved being by your side,
It felt so right when u touched me, the shivers you make me feel,
As the shudders rush beneath my skin, feeling your soul,
I love it when you hold me; in your arms I am secure, safe, more then I ever thought possible,
Caressing me, passionately, gently touching my thighs with your masculine hands, you made me feel alive, aroused with pleasure,
I want to get closer; I need to feel you,
As you kiss me I feel flames in my heart,
How warm and cozy your body feels against mine,
Come closer so I can hear your heart beat,
Caress my lips with yours,
Take me away, far away; let us enjoy our time together,
Dance with me, naked, bare, naturally, move your body to the pulse of the music, the soul of the music,
Sensually, sexually, gaze into my eyes; let me feel the energy passing through your eyes, into mine, from your body into mine,
Kiss me all over, play with my hair, put me under your spell, and hypnotize me,
I want to see your world, know all your fantasies, be your fantasy,
Hold me closer to your hot body, your skin feels so good against mine,
Oh how I love it when you look at me, if only you were part of me, then you would forever and a day be with me,
Lay your head upon me as we unwind, whisper all those sweet words in my ear, and reveal what you wish to do to me,
Complete me; in everyway you know possible,
Drench me in your love, reach deep inside me and strike out the tears of pleasure,
Smother me with your never-ending obsession,
Never ever stop making love to me for it's all I desire.

- Originally written in 2003

Tarachin © 2009

Why?

Why do people hurt me so much?
Why do they make me feel as such?
I give so much to whom I know,
Only looking for something to love and show.
They say they don't love me as I am,
That I've been rude to most of them.
It's not easy trying to be someone else,
Just to please them, I become so false.
I go away for so many years,
Just to replace all those lost tears.
When I do find someone that truly loves me,
They end up going away, leaving me so unhappy.
It's so hard to find a sincere friend,
Someone to care and comfort when you're at the end.
Maybe it's just me being selfish and self pitiful,
But I love myself too much to think I'm a fool.
I have my ups and downs just like everyone else,
That doesn't make me bad, why do you turn your face?
I know that God is the one to make life complete,
But we also need a companion, or life would be a cheat.
So why is it so easy for hearts to be broken?
Yet it takes such a long time for it to again open.
Wouldn't it be nice to be alone sometimes?
Just to have our peace in hearts and minds.
People don't know the course of what they say,
Judging others will not get you anywhere anyway.
I get so sick of those people sometimes,
With all their using, cheating games and lies.
The poor people have more to be grateful for,
Cause they have their hearts to take them far.
The thing we most need is love in this world,
But how can we find, or give it if we're so cold.
What are we making of our world today?
Nothing more then destroying it in every way.
When you're young you don't know life around you,
Until that day when everything is forced upon you.
So why do we face all of these tings day after day?
Even though we've found God, He's not as far as they say.

- Originally written in 2003

Tarachin © 2009

Human Nature

It's amazing how human nature is to be so inquisitive about life, we persistently look and search for things we know there's no answer to. Yet no matter how intelligent we are, we just don't take enough time to be curious and explore the most magnificent thing that lives so mysteriously inside of us; "the human feelings". We always think about ourselves too much and forget to be more considerate to "others". I can understand why "some" just get so tired of being nice, others don't take the time to understand the reason why "they" act that way they do and make it harder for the " person" who is being defensive. I think we should all take time to discover "others" and ourselves. We have enough problems to face each day without having someone give blind advice, thinking you don't know what your saying or doing.

Childishness should not be thought of as bad, it's a shame that most individuals cannot differentiate between childishness and immaturity. They have two variations; you can be child like in attitude but still be very mature in mind; someone once told me never to grow up in heart but only in mind, these words have taken me very far in life, if you are unable to keep the child in you, you will lose all that is beautiful, your dreams will die and so will your soul, love will fade and eventually you will have nothing to live for "Let us learn from our children". If people understand this then we will give proper meaningful advice.

We shouldn't intimidate or underestimate someone, we should not go through life making others lives hell because in the end, not only will they turn on people but in due course turn on them selves. People course so much psychological agony without noticing the harm they are causing that person. Just consider before you give advice to someone because it could cost them their lives, mental torture seems to have no limits to some heartless people. Take a close look around you, look at the people everywhere, they feel the same way you do, most of them are crying out inside for someone to set them free, don't overlook it, feel the sorrow in their eyes, try to help, you have nothing to lose. I hope this can make some realize, that humans are not toys. I hope to see one day a change in human nature, if this is at all anyway possible!

- Originally written in 2003

Tarachin © 2009

When I was a child

When I was a child, young and free and wild,
I had so much to live for,
Not anymore, the real world is just about surviving the test of life.
When I was a child, I knew what was real love,
Not anymore, my love has been shattered,
All I know about real love now is my art and horses.
When I was a child, I didn't have many happy moments,
It doesn't worry me though because I've learnt from them, accepted them,
To guide me on my journey in life.
When I was a child, I was curious, life was complicated, like dreams somehow,
Things are more real now,
Taking then serious is hard but a challenge.
When I was a child, I didn't worry at the past or for the future,
I think we should all stay that way forever.
When I was a child, I saw evil everywhere, in people,
I still see and feel the same way.
Many things change as we grow up but the bad in people wont go away until the battle between good and evil ends.

- Originally written in 2003

Tarachin © 2009

Dying World

The world has grown so cold because of greed, money and heartlessness,
It's such a shame as we could have changed, improved or become more usefull,
But the evil inside us has taken over.
We were created out of such beauty,
But the beauty is useless without love.
We crave for love, do almost anything to get it,
sometimes even in unpleasant ways,
But if our hearts are pure we wont have to even look at all,
cos love will find us, always.
The good ones always get hurt the most,
That's a test to see how strong we really are.
I wish the world would change soon,
I wish we could learn to lend a hand to each other more often,
To do away with our selfishness and direct our focus on saving our planet that is fading right before our very eyes,
The world we once loved but now taken for granted.
All I can do is my small part and pray that peace will reign one day,
I'm very certain it will, but when?

- Originally written in 2004

Tarachin © 2009

Asian Heart

For many years I've been in Malaysia, nearly my whole life,
It's been my home not out of choice,
I try to fit in but they wont let me,
They still see me as a stupid white girl,
I speak the native tongue and a lot of people no who I am,
I went to the e local school in the island of Penang,
I got bullied as if I felt no pain,
I'm a European by skin but Malaysian by heart,
I surprise myself when I look in the mirror,
I see a white girl; she doesn't notice most of the time that she's different from everyone else,
She cry's herself to sleep every night hoping that the next day won't be the same,
That someone will see her the way she is,
That she wont have to face the whole school that hates her so much,
And face the people that pretend to be her friends,
Wont have to look in to someone's eyes and know that she'll be beaten at any moment,
They wont accept her as one of their own.
My heart flames to be looked upon normally,
But they wont let me be part of them.
I find the odd one or two who are sincere, they accept me,
Not for long though because I abuse them,
Thinking their out to hurt me some how.
I'm scared to trust anyone at all now,
Maybe it'll stay in me forever.
My life here has been a living hell,
Abusing me whenever they want to,
So much suffering yet I can still forgive.
Maybe one day they will understand whom I am and why I am here to live,
Until then, I'll just have to suffer to survive no matter how hard it is.

- Originally written in 2003

Tarachin © 2009

Questions To The Answers Of Life

Suddenly everything is so clear to me.
How can this be possible?
How can such a simple drug be so effective on emotions?
Giving the pleasure of pure happiness, until it makes me cry,
Makes me want to love all things big and small,
love all that love me, love all that hate me,
I'm seeing everything in a totally different way,
I feel as if my body was made out of nothing but love;
I'm so happy the way I've been made,
I don't feel like I have a body,
I feel like I could fly, I'm so light, I'm so free,
no pain, no judging, seeing life as nothing but beauty,
I'm seeing a peace inside of me that I have not felt for as long as I could remember.
Could this be how we feel when we die?
Could this peace be God?
Is this how I'm supposed to feel but I've just forgotten how too?
Is it wrong to feel this way?
Why am I alive?
Why am I on this amazing journey on this so called planet earth?
I believe in God but I cannot and will not believe that the world will soon be gone in a flash like as if all those lives didn't matter at all. How can a God that love us so much,
a God that can travel backwards and forwards in time,
that is so powerful, the most powerful in this whole living universe,
give us so much pain, sorrow, confusion, loneliness, anger, suffering and all the other heart aching feelings?
Why couldn't he have made us with more perfection?
Why couldn't made this world with just good in it?
With all his power and love why couldn't he have made us so much more disciplined and let us see him form the start so that Adam and Eve wouldn't have listened to the serpent?
Why didn't he banish this so-called evil devil that makes the suffering?
Why couldn't he have put us on another planet without the devil?
Its not like He's going to run out of space anytime soon,
I can't seem to stop asking these questions!
I'm starting to think the "devil" is not around us but in us,
we are the devils, we are the ones that make our lives hell, hell is here, hell is now. There is something missing to the whole story of God no matter what religion or belief, It all doesn't make sense, it never has.
I'm so certain that God loves us too much to see us go through this painful life.
We need to believe, we need to know the meaning of life,
We all need a sign of some sort, something we can all see at one time, so no one can doubt it, so all will come together,
I need answers, all of us do,
The whole world needs it, now more then ever or we will destroy ourselves in the end..

- Originally written in November 2003

Tarachin © 2009

Im Blogging Again.. yay!

Its great to have my own blog again. I'm still very sad that most of my writing from the past few years was accidentally wiped off my hard drive but I'm sure once this blog becomes filled up with all my thoughts then I will feel much better and maybe one day forget that any of my writing was missing in the first place.

It was a pleasure writing on Iris Dassualt's blog, am very sad that things went the way it did and now the blog is on hold for a while... if only people understood Art Nude like we do then her lovely blog will still be public for all to read. I cant thank you enough Iris for giving me the honor of becoming one fo the authors (wished I was more focused to write more often then I did) , I pray for its return and for more understanding towards the Art we love so dearly.

Most of the writing that will be added here will be new work. I will also add my old work once I have typed it all up from my notebooks. This will be another backup in case anything else happens to my laptop or hard drive... NO MORE FUCKUPS!

Tarachin © 2009